The Fine Line
Please note that the
following represent each family's individual experiences
and beliefs. Every family is different, and the needs and
feelings of the children involved will be unique. We
encourage you to seek professional advice if you have
concerns or questions with regard to these issues. Responses
to Family Room topic:
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I have often thought about your concerns and similar ones
within the past 7 months. My son was also born with CHD.
He had the switch surgery for TGA.
I am very concerned that he will be viewed as a
"sick" child despite what his capabilities may be.
I am an occupational therapist and have worked with many
children with chronic conditions. Some of them have
behavior issues, some do not.
I often wonder if I will be able to deal with my son's
medical needs without feeding into potential behavior problems
down the road. I wish I had advice for you, all I can
offer is that you are not alone in your concern.
A.C.
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| I find that it's important to let my child be as normal as
possible, like our other children. Yes, he's a little more high
maintenance, but I try not to spoil him. I don't want him to grow up
with the feeling that because he is chronically ill, he will get anything
he wants and when he wants it.
I try to treat him like the other kids. He gets scolded like the
other kids as well. I want everyone in the family and especially
Brice to know that we are all equal. Some of us just have a little
more going on.
C. |
| I have tried very hard to make my son's life as
"normal" as possible. He cried at night and finally bedtime
became an enjoyable time. I use to lay with him until he fell asleep. I
just love to buy him things and do what makes him happy. But you learn
that even our precious miracles need discipline and hearing "no"
actually does them some good. So now we try to keep the spoiling to a
minimum. A few days a week isn't bad. I just can't help it!
M.B. |
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I shared all the same concerns. My daughter has
gone through 2 of 3 surgeries to repair numerous CHDs. She's 18 months
old now and, with few exceptions, I can treat her just as I did her older
sibs.
After she was fully recovered from her second
surgery, made it through the winter months, and had several good follow up
appt.s and well check ups, I decided to try my hardest to not baby
her. My thinking was this: I don't want her to regret being
born, and I don't want her sibs to regret it either. (Perhaps
these are things that are not fully under my contol.)
I certainly asked her doctors lots of questions
regarding limitations and precautions, and I watched and listened very
closely every time she had a tantrum to make sure her tiny body
and pieced together heart could take it. She is more stubborn than I
remember my other kids being. So far though, this hasn't been bad
for her health, and bedtime at least is getting better.
H.K. |
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I understand your concern. Our son is 12 months old and has pulmonary
stenosis. As a newborn, turning dusky colored when he cried and
having to check the color of his fingers and toes every couple hours made
it hard to let him cry. I can remember my husband waking up in the
middle of the night to put him in bed with us because he was afraid there
wouldn't be another chance to do so.... especially in the week before his
first heart catheterization and ballooning. He would never have
dreamed of this with either of our older two.
It is time to say at 17 months that your son is stronger. It's
not only ok but important to say no sometimes. Try redirection over
confrontation when possible but let him cry, comfort him after a
minute or so but don't give in. As for crying it out at night, if
that's a problem talk to your pediatrician or cardiologist. They
should be able to give you a sense of how much is ok. Trust yourself
as a parent. God didn't give you more than you can handle.
M. TR |
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I don't think that anyone can tell you exactly where to draw that fine
line between being a "good mommy" and being a "concerned
mommy". I was also worried about my son crying and how it would
affect his heart conditions so I never let him cry. He still has
lots of heart problems and is VERY spoiled, but he is still here with me
and for that I am very grateful.
I have people tell me all the time that I should discipline him more
and not to let him get away with so much, but what I want to tell them so
badly is where were you when he was so sick and in the hospital, not
knowing whether he was going to make it or not? Would you just let your
child lay there and cry if it meant that he/she wouldn't be as spoiled
when they were older? Most people, except for the ones who have actually
gone through something like this, have no clue what it is like to do
anything for their child, including not letting him/her cry or whatever it
takes to keep their child with them as long as possible. I know how hard
it is to try to get my son to do the "right" thing as far as
manners and responsibilities since, I suppose, he is very spoiled,
but I know that if I had it to do all over again, I would do it all the
same as long as it meant that it would keep my child alive and with me
that much longer.
Just remember, it is very stressful at times and you might feel that it
is more than you can handle, but that your child is alive and with you. My
mom told me that they won't stay little forever so enjoy them while they
are. They will grow up and become whatever they are supposed to be
and they will know the difference between right and wrong.
S. |
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