it was a routine ultrasound at 20 weeks that changed my life forever. My beautiful baby girl would be born with a congenital heart defect, hypoplastic left heart syndrome - something totally foreign to my frame of reference. My life would never be the same.

The next day, a high risk OB gave me a pamphlet that said my baby would probably die without a heart transplant. I chose to meet with a pediatric cardiologist who could give me more information and hopefully more hope. With Devin's heart condition, there was hope for a possible future for her since the defect, although severe, wasn't inoperable. I set out on the path of hope and chose the surgical route for her survival. I felt "lucky" that I had received the diagnosis before she was born so I could be as prepared as possible. I found out quickly that not all parents were as fortunate in this respect.

After 20 hours of labor, Devin was born with a whole room full of caregivers and an entire waiting room of anxious family members waiting to meet her. Devin was stabilized enough for me to hold her for less than 5 minutes, then they whisked her away to the NICU. The next 3 days were spent with me hoping to hold her before they took her away for her surgery, and I got my wish the night before her first surgery when I held her for a 1/2 hour.

The first surgery went very well and Devin was released from the hospital 8 days later. She had a feeding tube and 4 different medications to contend with, but she was a very happy baby and the joy of my life.

At 11 weeks of age, she started showing an irritation in her lungs. She was admitted to the hospital with "viral pneumonia." The next week was the longest in my life. A cardiac cath showed some scar tissue building up in the shunt, and the cath itself sent her into a downward spiral from which she couldn't recover. Her second heart surgery was performed that week in a desperate effort to save her and stop the spiraling. Despite the best efforts of a wonderful team of caregivers, Devin passed away from pneumonia more than 48 hours after her surgery.

If I had to do it all again and feel the pain of losing her, I would gladly do so to feel the joy of having her. Those were the 12 best and the 12 worst weeks of my life. She will live with me in my heart forever, and I will never be complete again.